Last night I got signed off from work. Not because of work but because of how I’m feeling.
So now I have a week to think about the upcoming lifestyle changes we’ll have to make and also the birth.
I’m hoping that others have felt this way when they’ve been pregnant. When you change from being happy to allowing yourself to admit that some aspects of pregnancy are not fun and enjoyable.
On Friday I had the first instance of not being able to walk properly and instead of feeling 30 I feel like I am in the much later stages of life. I had Friday afternoon off and within an hour of walking around in Brighton I got the most unbearable shooting pains down the right side of my back into my bum. The weekend continued with not being able to bend down properly and having to leave the bathroom door open so that I could be rescued when not able to get out of the bath.
On Saturday night I felt tears coming while watching X Factor and managed to hide them from Gav.
I think by Sunday morning I just needed a cry and finally admitted to Gav that I am not enjoying being pregnant at the moment. I have to admit that I am getting increasingly frustrated with things I can and cannot do, am dreaming about glasses of wine and am struggling with the changes it has bought into my life.
On Sunday after a discussion about pregnancy being romantic I had to admit to Gav and our friend that it’s not all like that.
Don’t get me wrong, this baby was planned, is completely loved and wanted. Our Carrot is a very much happy addition to my life and Gav’s. I love feeling Carrot move inside me. It’s just the sudden (yes stupid that I’ve only just felt it) change to me as a person, I have become a completely different person already.
I am unsociable and appear to have isolated myself to within the flat or at work. At work I probably come across as ok and happy, at home the same. I am good at hiding my feelings. Well I was until Sunday where I let it blurt out to Gav that I’d expected to really enjoy pregnancy, the growing bigger with an excuse. The tiredness and aches and pains have finally got to me. So now I am off work until next Monday and am finally admitting defeat. I need to rest and relax. I cannot rush about like I could 6 months ago and need to get used to being calmer ready for her arrival.
I’ve read that a stressed out mother leads to a stressed baby and I really don’t want it to be like that.
This week I am going to try to read aloud to my baby every day as Gav has already started to do.
I am hoping being simple with tasks to do rather than making demands of myself will help me enjoy this time more.