As a mama I’m often displacing time…
I’ve not had time to….
I’ve not got time to….
I’ve got to do this for the kids, our family, our home….
So when it came to starting a gratitude diary I often found I’d lost time to all those other little things or I was just too freaking tired to think about anything other than sleep…
The thing is this lead me to think about my daily failures even more.
The kids didn’t nap and so are grumpy
The housework didn’t get done
We had to search for two clean socks before school
So when was the last time the kids had a proper bedtime
Of course it does because at some point we all fall into this #MamaTrap
Once the #MamaTrap had hold it’s so so difficult to break free. It’s like a rubber band ball constantly collecting. We create this struggle but with some defiance but the biggest question we have is ‘What the fuck am I going to do and why can’t I cope?’.
You struggle to tell anyone, even your partner how life in your head feels and you try to convince yourself that you’ll snap out of it too. But you know deep down that it’s not OK to feel like this…
So I’ve given it a name. The #MamaTrap does not own me and although I wouldn’t say I’ve escaped it I know I’m taking small steps to release myself from the grip. To not feel so tangled up in this web of failures.
One of the things that’s helping me to do this keeping a small notebook to write it all in. Grab a pen and start jotting down small things that make me smile, that make me thankful. Instead of focussing on failures I’ll jot the joy down or take a photo. At the end of the day, like me, you may not have any energy to write all in one go. But you can pick up your phone and take a moment to creat a little collage of your day. Look on those happy moments, absorb them like a sponge. The #MamaTrap may feel unescapable but a moment just maybe will give you enough freedom to think you can do this tomorrow.