Losing anyone is tough and when I lost my mum at 13 years old I didn’t really consider the future and what she would miss, but also all the ways I would miss her. I’ve just turned 37, so had more of my life without her than with her, and losing my maternal grandmother in January has made me even more aware of all those things I’ve needed guidance for.
You see it’s not just all the big things like leaving for university, meeting my Mr Right, settling down and having children or setting up my own business, but mainly the day-to-day things where there’s that matriarchal line which shares little stories of you and how your kids are so like you as they are growing up.
It’s the simple questions I’d like to ask her.
My grandmother took my motherhood focus for many years. I moved in with her when I was 15 and she was the one who critiqued all my uni essays or told me if my outfits on a Friday night were a bit too risqué.
She was the one I asked for advice, who told me about my early years and made comparisons of my behaviour to that of my daughters. Due to her illness and my pregnancies she never got to meet my middle boy, but I did sneak the tiny one into her hospital room the night before she died. I wanted to thank her for being my surrogate for all those years.